


The Other Lambert.

by lizibabes



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Sex, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-08
Updated: 2012-10-08
Packaged: 2017-11-15 22:29:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for TJRbigbang. Everyone thinks Tommy and Adam are destined to be together, but no one but Adam seems to realise that Tommy is in love with another Lambert, will Tommy face up to his feelings? Will Neil ever realise that Tommy isn't in love with his big brother?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Other Lambert.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz & Valress.   
> First time with this pairing, so I hope you like it. Thanks to the mods at TJRbigbang for starting this awesome challenge. Thank you to both my beta's, any remianing mistakes are my own and thank you to my artist for the wonderful mix.   
> [](http://heartsdesire456.livejournal.com/968577.html)
> 
> Mix Post

"So are you ever going to tell my brother you're in love with him?" Adam asks and Tommy looks around quickly glad to see that no one else is around. When he got invited to Adam's BBQ, he hadn't expected Adam to spring that on him. It was meant to just be a chance to relax, take in the sun before they got back to the promo tour, no stress, no drama, no talking about his feelings concerning the other Lambert. 

　

It's a nice summer's day, the sun is beating down on them and Tommy looks over to see Neil manning the BBQ. He's getting some of what he expected, only Adam seems to have changed his mind about not talking about certain things. 

　

"Shut up, I'm not in love with him," Tommy hisses. He can feel his face turning red, the skin burning hot. 

　

"Because crushes normally last over a year?" Adam asks, eyebrows raised and he loves Adam, but he can be a mocking, sarcastic bastard sometimes. 

　

"It's... come on, don't give me a hard time over this! I know you think Neil and I could work, that we could be some happily ever after perfect couple, but it's just never going to happen," Tommy groans. He wishes it could be that easy, but it just isn't.

　

"Why not?" Adam says, like they haven't gone through this a thousand times already.

　

"Neil isn't gay," Tommy uses as his first point, because he happens to think it's a pretty good point.

　

"Neil has slept with men," Adam says, same as he always does.

　

"But he identifies as straight." At least Tommy only had one beer. He knows from past experience that this conversation really isn't as easy drunk as it is right now, but he still kind of wishes he was drunk for it. 

　

"So do you," Adam says smugly.

　

"To the fans, not to my friends or family." Tommy sighs. He doesn't want people thinking Adam only hired him because of his sexuality. Hell there are people who still think that anyway. Just because they kiss doesn't mean they're together. They kiss to make a point, because the show has a sexual, sensual energy. Adam doesn't think of him like that and Tommy doesn't like Adam that way either. Tommy only wants to get in bed with one Lambert and that happens to be Neil, not Adam.

　

"Whatever, he likes men. So that isn't stopping you," Adam insists and Tommy blows out a breath, blowing his bangs out of his eyes in the process and glancing to make sure that Neil is still over at the grill talking to Isaac and Sophie.

　

"He thinks I'm in love with you!" Tommy has lost count of the amount of times Neil has asked him when he's going to stop playing around and just admit that there is something between him and Adam. For a smart guy, Neil can be pretty stupid sometimes. 

　

"He can't still think that. I have a boyfriend. I've told Neil how well it's going, how I think this could really work, so no, he can't think we're in love," Adam frowns.

　

"He doesn't think we are in love, he thinks that I am in love with you. He thinks you're in a happy relationship and that I'm pining over you. If I tell him that I like him, he'll think I'm just going after him because I can't have you or some stupid shit like that," Tommy groans. Neil has never even looked at him twice. Neil doesn't want him. They're friends sure, but nothing else and they never will be more.

　

"Well just tell him you're not in love with me," Adam says reasonably, like he hasn't said anything like that before.

　

"I can tell everyone I'm not in love with you, but Neil and my mom still think I'm lying, hiding some secret feelings. I don't think Neil will ever believe me and even if he did finally start believing me, that doesn't mean he'll suddenly want me." Tommy pushes his hair back off his face out of frustration. He's liked Neil from the first time he met him and it's not just physical, not now. He likes the person that Neil is, he's funny, sarcastic as hell, so sharp and smart. Neil is a really good guy, he only seems to get more awesome with time, which has made it impossible for Tommy to get rid of his feelings.

　

"Your mom still thinks we're dating?" Adam asks.

　

"Lisa doesn't any more, but my mom still does, just a little. I think it's more wishful thinking, she wants me to be with someone, wants me settled and happy. It's not a bad thing, she just wants me to be happy. Not that I'm unhappy or anything," Tommy sighs. Yeah he'd like to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, to have someone in his life, but he doesn't need to be with someone to be happy.

　

"I just think you should talk to him," Adam says softly.

　

"I know you think I should, but I just can't. It'll go badly and everything will become awkward as hell. You're one of my best friends, can you imagine how weird it'll get if I make a pass at him and he turns me down? As well as being embarrassing as fuck for me it'll be messed up for all of us," Tommy sighs. He wishes he could just go up to Neil and kiss him. He wishes it was that simple, but it's not because Neil is Adam's mostly straight younger brother.

　

"You do know big brothers are not supposed to want their friends to sleep with their little brothers," Tommy adds.

　

"I plan to pretend you're not having sex when you go out. Like you're a pair of Ken dolls you know with no fun parts or, like, still in middle school. I think you'd make a great couple, but I never, **ever** want to hear or think about Neil's sex life," Adam shrugs.

　

"Huh, that's what I do with Lisa and she has a kid, but you know I try and pretend that a stork brought the baby or some shit like that. Siblings don't get to have sex lives," Tommy says firmly.

　

"Speaking of sex lives, have you even gotten laid since you started crushing on my brother?" Adam asks.

　

"Adam, shut up, you know I haven't had sex with someone not myself in like forever," Every time Tommy tries, he ends up thinking of Neil, because his head is so full of one guy he can't seem to find room for anyone else. He wishes he could replace Neil with someone else, meet someone and just fall for them, but it hasn't happened. No one he meets makes him want them enough for him to get over Neil, he just wishes things were different. 

　

"Sorry, okay I won't mention sex or Neil again today, I promise," Adam says, giving him a look that Tommy recognizes as Adam being worried about him. He wishes he wasn't worrying Adam, because he loves Adam, just not in the way people seem to think he does.

　

"I'm not mad at you or anything. I know you only want what's best for me and for Neil. You're a bossy interfering asshole, but I know it comes from a good place, so like chill, it'll be fine, I'll be fine. Neil will probably marry some really awesome smart chick and make you an uncle ten times over," Tommy says, trying to joke it all off, because he really isn't mad at Adam, but something he says seems to make Adam react in the opposite way Tommy had thought he would and narrows his eyes at Tommy.

　

"Is that it? It is, isn't it," Adam says, sounding shocked.

　

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Tommy says honestly.

　

"You don't think you're smart enough for Neil, because he's into politics and a bunch of stuff that's seen as being more intellectual than music and the things we are into. Neil doesn't look down on me for not knowing and being passionate about all the things he is. Why do you think he'd look down on you?" Adam asks with a frown.

　

"I don't think that. Neil isn't an asshole, he doesn't think he's better than any of us, because he's a good guy. But yeah, I'm not as smart as him or as political and yeah, I think I wouldn't be able to keep up, I would bore him. I know I'm not stupid, I know no one means the blond jokes, but yeah, we're different," Tommy shrugs. He doesn't want to explain to Adam that he doesn't always feel good enough for Neil. He's a hermit, a metal head and he's not into a lot of the things that Neil is, doesn't mean he wouldn't be someone's ideal man, he just doesn't think that someone is Neil. 

　

"You would not bore him just because you're not political. You're not stupid, but that is stupid. Neil would be lucky to have you, so you need to get over thinking you're not good enough, you are," Adam all but growls out.

　

"You've seen how my relationships go. If there's nothing wrong with me, why doesn't anyone stay?" Tommy asks softly and before he knows it, Adam is all but dragging him out of his seat and into a hug.

　

"You've been unlucky in love, it happens to us all, but it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. There is **nothing** wrong with you," Adam tells him, hugging him tight and Tommy relaxes into his hold until he hears someone clear their throat close by. When he looks up, Neil is standing there and Tommy's whole body goes tense. 

　

"Food's ready whenever you are," Neil says, tone so neutral that Tommy can't read anything from it at all, but he does scramble out of Adam's arms anyway and back into his seat, hating that he can feel himself blushing.

　

"That was not what it looked like," Adam says because he can't just ignore the elephant in the room. Tommy kind of wishes he'd just act like nothing had happened.

　

"None of my business," Neil shrugs.

　

"I have a boyfriend and I'm not cheating on him with Tommy. Neither of us would do that and you shouldn't think that of either of us," Adam says, sounding almost angry.

　

"I didn't say I thought you were cheating," Neil says, sounding pissed off as well.

　

"Can you both not get in a fight over something that isn't even an issue. Adam isn't cheating, I'm not with Adam and you know that right, Neil?" Tommy says, trying to keep the peace. He doesn't want them to argue just because Adam was trying to make him feel better.

　

"Whatever, lets just go eat," Neil shrugs and Tommy is left wondering if Neil believed him when he said that he wasn't with Adam. But if he dwells, Adam will know and worry and probably get in a fight with Neil, so Tommy gets up and heads over to the food with Adam.

　

He eats, he talks with people, but on the inside he's not really having fun. He can't believe that Neil would think that Adam would cheat, that Tommy would be some kind of dirty little secret. All he wants to do is go home and sulk, but he'd already agreed to stay the night along with all the other guests, including Neil. Tommy avoids being alone with Neil for the whole BBQ, but later in the day when he is going into the kitchen to get something to drink, he runs into Neil.

　

"Adam's putting on a DVD, making it a movie night. I got sent to find snacks, and you," Neil explains, opening up a cupboard.

　

"I went to get changed," Tommy explains, feeling awkward. He'd known he'd be staying over and when Sophie had come back down the stairs in her pajamas, Tommy had decided to get comfortable as well so he had gone and put on a different tank top and some long comfortable sweat pants.

　

"You okay, you've been kind of quiet, did you and Adam have a fight?" Neil asks and Tommy puts down the glass he's been holding hard, so pissed off his hands are almost shaking.

　

"No, I didn't have a fight with Adam," Tommy snaps.

　

"Whoa, don't bite my head off, what did I do?" Neil says, looking shocked.

　

"You think I'm fucking your brother behind his boyfriend's back," Tommy says. He doesn't mean to, hadn't planned to, but it has been pissing him off all day.

　

"I don't think that," Neil says, not looking at him.

　

"Yes you do. I can't work out how to make you believe me. I'm not with Adam, we're not lying to everyone. We have never slept together and we never will; we're not even attracted to each other," Tommy is so sick of Neil not seeing that there is nothing between him and Adam. They're friends and he cares about Adam deeply, but he's not in love with Adam and he kind of hates that Neil doesn't see what is going on.

　

"Not attracted? Have you seen the two of you together and not just on stage; you don't keep your hands off each other," Neil says in a tone that all Tommy can only describe as accusatory. 

　

"It's called affection, not attraction," Tommy says, finally getting around to pouring himself a drink.

　

"I didn't mean to offend you," Neil says softly.

　

"I'm not offended, it's not like a ton of people haven't said the same. I'm just annoyed, because you know us. You should believe me and Adam when we say we are not together," Tommy sighs.

　

"Okay, I'm sorry, I was wrong. You're not with Adam, I get it," Neil does sound a little more like he believes it for once and it makes Tommy feel a little better.

　

"He's happy with his new guy, which is awesome and I'm single. I don't want people thinking that I'm with Adam to mess up his relationship," Tommy sighs. He's not seen Adam so excited about a guy in a long time, maybe ever and he doesn't want Adam's relationship to be ruined.

　

"I get that, as big a pain in the ass as he is, I do want Adam to be happy. I'm sorry I've been kind of an asshole," Neil sighs.

　

"It's fine, you're not the first to read into the stuff we pull on stage. I can see why you'd get the wrong idea," Tommy says because he can understand, doesn't mean he always likes it, but he gets it.

　

"I'm still sorry. I was being a dick," Neil shrugs and Tommy just can't stay angry at him, but he has something he has to say first.

　

"I know a lot of people think he's in love with me and that I've broke his heart by not being with him, but that's not true. Adam never loved me. I know other people who think I love him and he turned me down, but that's not true either. I'm not in love with him, I've never been in love with him. Now I'm gonna go back to the others," Tommy sighs and heads back before Neil can say anything, taking his place on the couch. He falls asleep on Sophie's shoulder and doesn't wake up till she gets up to go to bed. Tommy doesn't make it to the bed that Adam has made up for him upstairs, he falls asleep on the couch again. He wakes up once when someone covers him over with a blanket. He stays still not letting them know he's awake, but opens his eye to peek when he hears them walking away. He doesn't know what to think when he sees Neil walk away.

　

　

 

++++++++++++++++++  
　

"Tommy, I need your help," Neil says sounding urgent and Tommy blinks at his phone. When he got woken up by his cell that was the last thing he was expecting. Neil hardly ever calls him and he's never even heard Neil sound like that before. 

　

"Huh?" Tommy hopes it's not something serious, his brain isn't awake enough for serious. 

　

"It's a friend's birthday and Adam's busy, he said you were good at this stuff," Neil explains and Tommy closes his eyes and counts to ten. He is so going to kill Adam, because he has a feeling that Adam has tried to set them up.

　

"Girl stuff, you have a sister and you actually wear jewellery, so can you help me? I'm desperate, man. I left it last minute and I will owe you big time," Neil says in a rush and Tommy feels something in his chest go tight. He can't say no, not when Neil sounds like that, because having a crush seems to revert him back to a teenager that will do anything to impress the object of his infatuation.

　

"Okay, okay, just like let me get up. I need to shower and get dressed. Come pick me up in an hour and bring coffee or I'll be useless," Tommy groans sitting up. He looks over at his alarm clock, it's half past nine, he turned his TV off at five in the morning, listened to his Ipod for at least an hour, so at most he's had three and a half hours sleep and he doesn't think he even got that. He really needs some caffeine and a shower to wake him up.

　

"Thank you so much. I'll be there in an hour, with coffee, good coffee, full of sugar, I promise. Want me to bring breakfast?" Neil asks and Tommy doesn't feel that hungry now, but he's learned the hard way that no sleep and no food will just make him feel like shit.

　

"Yeah, thanks, just grab me whatever you're having. I gotta go make myself look human before I end up on twitter looking like a zombie," Tommy says groggily. 

　

"You're the best, see you soon," Neil sounds almost cheerful and Neil isn't exactly a cheerful kind of guy, more sarcastic, funny as hell with it, not mean and hearing Neil sound like that because of him, well it does something to him, makes him feel something he doesn't want to feel.

　

"Bye," Tommy hangs up and rolls out of bed. He goes to the bathroom, takes a leak and jumps in the shower. He refuses to think about Neil and ignores his morning wood. He rushes through his shower and then dries and straightens his hair, wanting it to look good. He likes to look good, it's not all about Neil or anything. So maybe he picks out the black jeans that make his ass look the best, creepers to give him a little extra height and his cleanest T-shirt. 

　

He keeps make-up minimal, just a little eye-liner, some smoky grey eye shadow and instead of gloss he goes for some lip balm. It took him a long time to get comfortable with his build, his height, the delicateness of his facial features, but now he kind of likes it. He's pretty and he can rock that. He's met a lot of people who have taught him how to own it. He is who he is, he doesn't want to change it to somebody else any more and anyone who can't accept him as he is isn't worth having in his life.

　

He's just shoving his wallet into his pocket when Neil calls to say that he's outside. Tommy grabs his keys and heads out, locking up on auto-pilot and heading over for Neil's car. He drops into the passenger seat and Neil hands over a huge cup of coffee and a breakfast burrito. 

　

"This is not what you were having, you're not as bad as Adam, but you're still healthier than me," Tommy says with a raised eyebrow.

　

"Mines vegetarian and you're doing me the favour. I thought I owed you the empty calories," Neil shrugs. They eat their breakfast in the car before Neil drives them into town to shop. Tommy eats first, hungrier than he had thought he would be and he gets started on the coffee as Neil drives. It's hot, plenty of sugar, but still with the bitter taste that he associates with coffee. Wherever Neil gets his coffee from it's good.

　

"If I'd gone shopping with Adam, he'd have wanted herbal tea and something healthy and not to eat in the car, maybe it was a good thing he was busy," Neil says thoughtfully.

　

"He has good taste in jewellery though. I'm always stealing his stuff, well he lets me steal it," Tommy says with a smile. Adam is one of the most generous people he knows and he can't count the amount of times he's been given something or bought something by Adam.

　

"You have good taste as well though. Adam even said so and he insults everyone's taste," Neil shrugs, turning into a parking lot.

　

"I do have awesome taste," Tommy agrees happily. He's not like a huge fan of shopping, but he does like looking at jewellery and getting gifts for people. 

　

"I hope so, I've know this girl since I was five. I want to get her something good," Neil explains.

　

"Girlfriend?" Tommy asks, hoping the jealousy he's feeling doesn't show as Neil finds a spot to pull into.

　

"Hell no, she's like another sibling. Her name's Jasmine, Adam knows her too, but we're the same age so we hung out more. Our parents knew each other, so yeah, like family," Neil says, parking with an ease that Tommy doesn't think he's ever managed.

　

"Cool, friend jewellery presents are different to girlfriend or I want to sleep with you presents. Tell me about her, I mean I need to know what she's like to help you pick something she'll like," Tommy says, before getting out of the car so they can go pay for a ticket.

　

"Shopping for women is hard," Neil complains as they finally head off in the direction of the shops.

　

"Man up, it's not that hard," Tommy smirks.

　

"You have a sister," Neil points out.

　

"So?" Tommy raises and eyebrow.

　

"You've been around girly stuff more than I have, you've probably done this before," Neil shrugs.

　

"I've never bought Lisa jewellery, she doesn't wear it a lot. I own more jewellery than she does," Tommy likes getting Lisa gifts, but she doesn't really go in for jewellery so he normally gets her other things. These days it's more about spoiling the baby, but he still tries to treat her when he can.

　

"You probably own more make-up," Neil says and he's mocked Tommy for it before, making cracks about Tommy and Adam being vain, but he's not nasty about it. He doesn't really think they have vanity issues, he just likes to pull their chains. Neil mocks Tommy the way he mocks Adam, his brother, which is one of Tommy's reason for thinking Neil likes him as a friend, maybe a brother, but not a would be lover.

　

"Probably, but I blame Sutan. He makes me buy a lot of it," Tommy says, which is true. Sutan has also gotten him in the habit of buying more expensive but better quality make-up.

　

"Don't even, I know you love that stuff," Neil says with a smile.

　

"Didn't say I didn't like it. Sutan's just the reason I own so much. Before him, I had like half a broken eye-liner pencil and one eye shadow and a lip gloss that leaked. I'm totally willing to admit that I like playing around with make-up," Make-up is cool. He likes how it can make him look like a totally different person, but more him at the same time. It's also funny as fuck when he's wearing lipstick because he gets to smear it all over people.

　

"I could never wear that stuff. I'd look like a creepy clown," Neil laughs and Tommy can see his point. Neil wouldn't know the first thing about putting on make-up. He's never done it before and he's not the kind of guy that Tommy can imagine wearing it. Some men just don't look right with it on and where Adam does, Tommy doesn't think Neil would. He thinks Neil looks just fine the way he is, but he's not going to say that.

　

"Bad drag queen?" Tommy suggests with a smile.

　

"Thanks, we can't all be pretty like you," Neil says, holding a shop door open and Tommy feels like his heart is in his throat. Neil calling him pretty shouldn't feel like a big deal, but it does, because he has it that bad for him.

　

Tommy doesn't know how to respond so he just changes the subject and asks Neil to tell him all about Jasmine. Neil doesn't seem to notice Tommy getting flustered or mind the change in subject, he just starts talking about Jasmine. They go to four or five shops before Tommy finds some earrings with a matching necklace that are pretty cool. They're blue and Neil has already told him that blue is Jasmine's favourite colour. It's delicate, pretty, not something he would wear, but he can picture them on a pretty girl. Neil had showed him a picture at some point and Tommy can see the stuff on her. Neil doesn't even argue, he just takes Tommy's advice and buys the stuff Tommy points to.

　

Neil suggests they go for lunch before calling it a day and Tommy says yes, because he likes spending time with Neil, even though it's almost torture for him, being so close but so far away from someone he wants so badly. He's gotten used to not getting what he wants when it comes to this situation. At least this time they haven't had an argument, not that what happened at Adam's was that bad, but it's not at all something Tommy wants to do again. Neil is his friend, he has that and it's enough, it has to be enough, because he can't have more, but he sure as hell could have less of Neil if he messes things up. But he doesn't think they'll even kind of fight again because that's just not normal for them. He has Neil's friendship, he doesn't want to lose that.

　

"You look deep in thought," Neil comments.

　

"Not really, just spaced out, sorry," Tommy picks up his soda and takes a sip, hoping Neil won't press the subject. It feels like it's getting harder and harder to hide the way he feels about Neil and he doesn't want that. It's his secret to keep, and well, Adam's seeing as he knows as well.

　

"No problem, I know I dragged you out of your lair way too early, you must be tired," Neil doesn't even looked pissed and Tommy is used to people getting annoyed at him for not always being able to pay attention. He's glad Neil doesn't get offended, think he's being rude or that he's bored when it's not that at all.

　

"I didn't sleep that well, been a bad week for sleeping, happens," Tommy shrugs.

　

"I remember on tour when it was bad. I feel guilty for waking you up," Even as Neil says it, Tommy is waving away the apology.

　

"It's better if I don't sleep all day, helps me to sleep at night. Getting up today wasn't a big deal, you don't need to be sorry," Tommy says firmly.

　

"Does anything help you sleep better?" Neil asks and it's not like Tommy has never been asked that one before, but the answer that comes to mind is a little too honest, but he says it anyway.

　

"Sex sometimes, like a lot of sex and exercise, so I guess really physical stuff," Tommy shrugs. He'd slept like a baby after he went to yoga with Isaac and Sophie.

　

"You know you're basically admitting the fact that you haven't gotten laid in a while right?" Neil points out and Tommy blushes because Neil is the last person he needs to be talking about sex with.

　

"It's different now. I'm not like a celebrity, but I'm well enough known to wonder about people's motives. Makes casual sex even less appealing," Tommy shrugs. 

　

"Yeah, I can't imagine living like that. I know it's hard for Adam, it's good that he's found someone who just wants him for who he really is, not the fame. I think I'm getting too old for casual," Neil says thoughtfully and Tommy feels his eyebrows going up.

　

"You're younger than me and Adam, don't make me feel like an old man. I don't know what I want half the time, but yeah, casual loses its appeal after a while. I want something real, something that lasts," Tommy admits. 

　

"You're not that old, but yeah, I agree," Neil says with a smirk when he says the first part and Tommy reaches across the table and punches Neil in the arm.

　

"Ouch, you're not old. You look like a kid half the time, must be all the make-up," Neil says, grin wicked and Tommy balls his napkin and throws it at him, laughing the whole time, smile tugging the corners of his mouth up when Neil laughs back. He looks good when he laughs and Tommy kind of likes that he's the reason for Neil looking like that. He made him smile, made him laugh.

　

"You're just jealous, bitch," Tommy says happily.

　

"Why would I be? I don't want to be pretty," Neil shrugs and Tommy's heart shoots up to his throat again, because Neil has called him pretty again and it makes him feel like a blushing fourteen year old again. He's not reading into it because he knows Neil probably doesn't mean anything by it, it's just a throw away comment, but it still makes him feel like a love struck, moony eyed, hormone filled teenager. 

　

Tommy looks away to try and distract himself, to think of a way to change the subject again when he spots the last thing he wants to in the world. His ex and not just any ex, but Brian, a guy he'd dated the summer after he graduated high school, the first guy he ever really fell for. Running into ex's is often awkward, at least he has a good job now so he doesn't feel like a bum when he runs into people he used to know, especially people like Brain who thought music was a pipe dream that would never happen, that he should go to college and get a real job. But the worst thing about running into an ex in Tommy's opinion is being single when they are in a relationship, which Brian clearly is from the way he's just walked in here with a much younger guy on his arm.

　

"Dude, what's wrong?" Neil asks after a few moments.

　

"Ex just walked in with his current," Tommy says, hoping that Brian won't see him or maybe won't recognize him. He's changed since high school. Brian hasn't really looks wise, he's just taller, broader and a little older, but still the guy he was.

　

"The blond girl?" Neil says, sneaking a glance at the door and Tommy tries to be subtle about shaking his head and glancing back at Brian and his date waiting to be seated. 

　

"No, the blonde guy," Tommy says softly and he notices that Neil looks kind of surprised.

　

"Recent?" Neil presses and Tommy just wants a hole to open up and swallow him whole.

　

"Nope, first boyfriend, bad break up and he's here with someone and I'm single and it would suck if he saw me," Tommy groans and Neil pulls a face at him.

　

"What?" Tommy asks, worried.

　

"He spotted you. He's heading over, want me to back up lies about being with someone, if you don't want him to know you're single?" Neil asks and Tommy glances around in time to see Brain and his date heading their way.

　

"If I bring up a boyfriend or girlfriend who isn't here, he'll think I'm just bringing it up to make a point about not being single, but I don't want him to know I'm single," Tommy rambles.

　

"Fuck it, I'll play boyfriend," Neil says and before Tommy can respond Neil's hand is covering over his on the table and Brain is standing there, smiling brightly.

　

"Tommy, it's been such a long time! I've seen you on TV, congratulations," Brian says, all bright smiles like he never told Tommy to give up music and get serious about life.

　

"Hi, Brian," Tommy says, because what else is there to say? That and he's a little distracted by Neil's big warm palm covering his.

　

"This is Chris, my boyfriend and your friend is?" Brian asks looking at Neil, gaze assessing.

　

"I'm Neil, his boyfriend," Neil says and he looks Brian up and down the way Brian had done to him and he doesn't look impressed.

　

Brian looks like he's about to say something else, but a waiter comes over to tell him that his table is ready and he leaves, talking about how they should meet up, stay in contact, like they are old friends rather than ex's who hadn't been friends before or after their relationship. They had dated and most of the time it had been kind of shitty. Neil takes his hand back from Tommy's once Brain is out of sight and Tommy misses the warmth, the feeling of skin on skin right away. 

　

"I'm guessing that was more than just a bad break up," Neil says softly.

　

"Bad relationship. I was never what he wanted you know? He just thought he could make me into the kind of guy he wanted to be with," Tommy sighs. He'd been having a good time and he hates that running into Brian has fucked up his mood.

　

"I'm sorry, man. You know, I didn't know you did that," Neil does sound sorry, but the other part of what he's said kind of confuses Tommy.

　

"Didn't know I did what?" Tommy asked.

　

"Dated guys. I mean I heard stuff about you being Bisexual, but I never heard anyone mention a boyfriend," Neil says softly.

　

"Probably because there hasn't been one for a while. Not since before the first tour. I've been single a lot. Brian was a long time ago, like I said, first boyfriend. I know people think I just hook up or fool around with guys, but I do date men as well. I just keep it to myself because I don't want people thinking Adam picked me for the band just because of my sexuality," Tommy explains, leaving out the fact that one of the main reasons he has remained single for so long was because of meeting Neil. He doesn't want Neil to know he's been pining for him for so long.

　

"I didn't think you just slept with men, not from what Adam said. He was always firm on you not being the guy who just got drunk and decided a guy was a good idea, which I think was also a dig at me for the way I used to be in college," Neil says, fiddling with his glass and it is the first time Tommy has ever heard Neil mention the fact that he has slept with men and he's uncertain about if he should say something about it.

　

"Thanks, for saying you were with me, though. I didn't really want to talk to him when he was on a date and I wasn't, it shouldn't bother me, I know that, but he was my first boyfriend. I think I'll always have issues when it comes to him," Tommy sighs.

　

"Was he? No, I shouldn't ask that," Neil shakes his head.

　

"Ask what?" Tommy asks.

　

"If he was the first person you slept with?" Neil bites his lip, like he thinks he should be holding the words in, but he can't.

　

"First guy. I'd had a girlfriend before that, only lasted for the summer but she was a little older and not a virgin and didn't think I should be one either. But Brian was the first guy I did anything sexual with, sex was one thing that we were actually good at," They hadn't been good at the dating part, the relationship part. They'd fought, Brain had tried to change him in a thousand ways, nothing but the sex had been good. 

　

"Sorry for like prying, I'm nosy sometimes. I didn't even tell Adam I'd slept with a guy for a long time after, even though it was pretty obvious that he wasn't going to be homophobic. He was out by then, but I just didn't. I think it was because I wasn't ready to be open about liking men as well as women and I knew he wouldn't want me to hide," Neil sighs and it seems like today is a day for them both being really honest. Tommy likes that Neil can talk to him about this stuff, it makes him feel a little bad about the fact that he is keeping things from Neil, like his feelings, but he really doesn't know if Neil would want to know.

　

"You didn't pry. I told you he was my ex without you asking. Nosy would be like asking who topped," Tommy says and then he wants to slap his hand over his mouth because why in the hell did he think that bringing up that would be a good idea?

　

"That would be nosy and now I kind of want to ask, but I won't; that'd be rude. Would it be less rude if I mentioned I've tried both?" Neil rambles and then like he's just realized what he has said he starts to blush and Tommy watches the flushed skin spread fascinated, because he has never seen Neil blush, not that he can remember.

　

"I've done both, but I bottomed the first time with Brian. He was a pretty good lay. I think that's why I stayed with him, you know hormonal teenager and all that," Tommy shrugs. It only seems fair to share now that Neil has said that and Tommy isn't embarrassed about the things he has done sexually.

　

"So you wouldn't stick around just for the sex now?" Neil asks, looking like he really wants to know.

　

"I don't think so, I want more than sex now, but I can't say I don't miss it, being with someone," Tommy can hardly even remember the last time he had sex. It's been nothing but him and his hand for a long time now.

　

"Same for me. I'd have hung around just to keep getting laid in the past, but not any more," Neil says and before Tommy can say anything, a waiter comes over to finally take their order and Tommy's almost glad that he gets to hide behind his menu for a little while. When the waiter leaves, Neil doesn't take the conversation back to their sex lives and Tommy thinks they are probably on safer ground not talking about sex. 

　

But then they have finished their meals and suddenly Neil's hand is on his again and it makes Tommy's heart stutter. The second he sees Brian and his date coming over it makes sense. He'd been confused for a second, but it's not like Neil was going to make a move on him, that's never happening.

　

"We have to go, I just wanted to say goodbye," Brain says and Tommy feels Neil linking their fingers together, holding his hand for real and it makes his throat feel a little tight.

　

"Bye," Tommy manages. He's not going to say it was nice to see Brian again, because he doesn't feel like lying. 

　

"Here's my number," Brain says, putting down a napkin by Tommy and Neil's joint hands and Tommy does not miss the pissed off look on Brain's date's face. Tommy just nods and waits for them to leave, noticing that Neil doesn't let go of his hand once they are out of sight this time.

　

"Was he hitting on you?" Neil asks.

　

"I think so," Tommy nods, enjoying the warm feeling of Neil's hand in his. It's bigger than his and doesn't have any callouses from playing an instrument, it's nice and he's going to enjoy it while it lasts.

　

"That's fucking rude. He was on a date, he thinks you were, what an asshole," Neil grumbles.

　

"You sound pretty pissed off," Tommy raises an eyebrow.

　

"I'm offended," Neil shrugs.

　

"Does it make you feel better that I'm not going to take his number with me?" Tommy asks.

　

"Kind of, I mean I know it was fake, but he didn't know that. How can he think you're the kind of guy that would take his number when you're on a date with another man. That's not the kind of guy you are, and I'm aware that that makes me kind of a hypocrite for ever thinking you were sleeping with Adam," Neil babbles and he still doesn't let go of Tommy's hand.

　

"He should know me better than to think I'd do that. And what you did wasn't the same, you had a lot of reasons to think I was with Adam. Brian had no reason to think I'd ditch my boyfriend for him or some shit like that," Tommy says firmly because Neil is not Brian, he's not like him at all.

　

"So I'm right, he's an asshole?" Neil asks.

　

"Yeah, he's an asshole," Tommy agrees.

　

"But I'm not?" Neil says, sounding hopeful.

　

"No, you're not," Tommy says firmly, because he means it and sat like this, just the two of them, holding hands, Tommy doesn't think he has ever wanted to kiss someone more, to show Neil how he really feels, but the waiter comes over to take their plates and the moment is lost. Neil takes his hand back and they ask for the bill, which Neil insists on paying for and not long after that they are back in Neil's car, ready to leave. 

　

"Thank you for today, for helping me," Neil says as they sit there together in the car.

　

"No problem, thanks for being cool about Brian," Tommy says softly and after that, things are strangely quiet as Neil drives him home. Tommy doesn't think about asking Neil not to go until they are parked outside of his building.

　

"Want to come up for a drink? Coffee or whiskey are probably all I have," Tommy offers. He doesn't want Neil to leave. He's liked spending the day with him, maybe too much, but he can't resist at least asking, even though he'll probably kick himself for it later.

　

"Coffee sounds good, but I can't drink unless I want to go home in a cab," Neil nods and they get out of the car together and Neil follows Tommy up to his place. He takes them both straight to the kitchen to make coffee and then to the couch to drink it. Something Tommy has noticed all day is that they never seem to run out of things to talk about. So maybe Adam was right about something, Tommy isn't on a different level to Neil. If they are friends and they are, they could be lovers, but only if they were attracted to each other. Tommy's attracted to Neil, but he doubts it goes both ways.

　

They sit and they talk and they watch stupid shows on the TV and talk trash about them and before Tommy knows it, the sun has gone down and it's pushing close to midnight. Neil says he should go and feeling half asleep, Tommy gets up to walk him to the door.

　

"I had a good time today," Tommy admits, voice loosened by how tired and relaxed he is. 

　

"Me, too," Neil says and Tommy's not sure how they ended up standing so close together, but he doesn't want to move back. 

　

Tommy takes a step closer to hug Neil goodbye and he's hugged Neil before, but normally it's been a quick half hug, the kind seen as being more 'manly' but this time he hugs Neil like he wants to, lets himself get close and hold on tight and when Neil wraps his arms around Tommy's back, Tommy's body melts into the touch. He doesn't want to go anywhere. He wants to stay in Neil's arms for as long as Neil will let him.

　

"You falling asleep on me?" Neil asks softly and it reminds Tommy of when Neil had covered him so carefully with a blanket at Adam's place. He hasn't asked why Neil did that, he's not sure he ever will. He lifts his head up, leaning back to look Neil in the eye instead of burying his face in Neil's chest. It's dark in the hall, but he can see Neil's face and his eyes.

　

"Not asleep," Tommy says softly, hoping Neil won't call him out on clinging to him like a limpet. 

　

Neil doesn't call him out on it, instead he dips his head and presses his lips to Tommy's, the kiss chaste and slow, but it makes Tommy's heartbeat go crazy because Neil is kissing him. Neil, the man he's wanted for over a year, a man he didn't think he had a chance with is kissing him. Tommy lets Neil lead the kiss, his lips moving gently against his and Tommy holds on tighter, never wanting it to end, but Neil pulls away slightly, breaking the kiss. 

　

"I, I shouldn't have done that," Neil says softly, his hand coming up to cup Tommy's jaw. So he's not running away, it's not kissing, but it's something and he nuzzles into the touch, gasping softly when Neil rubs his thumb over Tommy's lower lip.

　

"I think you should do it again," Tommy doesn't want to miss his chance if he really has one.

　

Neil licks his lips, looking at Tommy and he's never seen Neil look at him like that before, look at anyone like that and then Neil kisses him again and it starts off soft again, but then Tommy gasps and Neil licks his way into his mouth, turning the kiss wet and dirty and so hot that Tommy moans as Neil backs him against the hall wall, his body pressing against Tommy. Tommy groans, loving the feel of Neil's body against his. It's been a long time since he had someone bigger and stronger than him pinning him in place and he'd forgotten how good it feels. Neil kisses him hungrily, like he can't get enough and Tommy's just as desperate for Neil's touch.

　

Tommy presses closer, rubbing his cock against Neil's and he can feel Neil getting hard and he almost fucking whimpers. He wants this so much, has wanted it for so long, he feels desperate, but he doesn't care. He finally has Neil's hands on him and he's going to make the most of it in case he doesn't get this again. He really hopes this isn't a one off, but he's not going to ask. He's enjoying this too much and when Neil's hands cup his ass pulling him up and closer, their groins rub together making Tommy's breath catch. He wants more though, wants to do more than kiss Neil and rub against him in his hallway, so he pulls back, grabbing Neil's hand to lead him to the bedroom. Neil follows without hesitation, making Tommy relax even more. He's doing this, he's going for it, there is no turning back for him now.

　

Once they are beside his bed, he kisses Neil again before stepping back to strip his shirt off, a little nervous about how Neil will react. He's not toned, he's pretty skinny and he has no idea if that is Neil's kind of thing at all, but he looks at Tommy with heat in his eyes and Tommy feels a thrill go up his spine, because Neil wants him. He can tell Neil wants him, he wouldn't be here if he didn't and Tommy tries to feel a little more confident about this.

　

"Take your shirt off," Tommy orders, because he doesn't think he has ever even seen Neil shirtless outside of a few minutes on a beach before he covered up to avoid burning and freckling, just like Adam and Tommy thinks it's about time he got some skin.

　

"Bossy," Neil says, raising an eyebrow, but it doesn't look like he minds, so Tommy calls him on it.

　

"I think you like knowing I want to see you," Tommy shrugs, smiling when Neil does as asked and ditches his shirt.

　

"Nothing wrong with a guy knowing what he wants. But I don't normally follow orders, not in bed or anywhere else," Neil says with a casual dominance that makes Tommy shiver. He doesn't think of himself as being really a Dom or a Sub, because he can be both, but right now, he thinks Neil will want to take the lead and he is more than okay with that right now. 

　

"I'll stick to suggestions rather than orders," Tommy smirks.

　

"What do you suggest I do next then?" Neil asks with a heated look and Tommy thinks if Neil keeps looking at him like that, that Neil will melt his spine. He already feels a little like his bones are turning to goo.

　

"I suggest you get me naked and in bed," Tommy says lightly and watches Neil's eyes flash.

　

"I can think I can follow that one," Neil says and then Tommy finds himself being pushed onto the edge of his bed, Neil leaning over him, pulling off his boots and socks and then Neil's hands are on his belt, undoing it and then working on the fly of his jeans. Neil has him out of his boxers in seconds and he manhandles Tommy until he's flat out on the bed, his head on the pillows, sprawled out naked with Neil watching him hungrily.

　

"You look... fuck," Neil growls and it makes Tommy shiver.

　

"Gonna take your clothes off?" Tommy asks.

　

"You want me to?" Neil asks.

　

"You're not fucking me with your boots on," Tommy shrugs and then he bites his lip, because holy shit, has he just asked Neil to fuck him? It's not like he doesn't want that, he really, really does, but he's not used to asking for it. 

　

"Guess I'm getting naked then," Neil says, kicking his boots off and then his hands are on his belt and Tommy all but holds his breath, eyes on Neil and he's not at all disappointed when Neil gets his clothes off, maybe a little intimidated. Neil isn't small, he's had a thousand dirty thoughts about Neil, but he'd not really thought about Neil's size. He's big and while it's been a long time for Tommy, the nerves aren't enough to take away from his excitement. He wants this so much.

　

"Gonna just stand there and stare at me all day?" Tommy asks.

　

"You're so damn mouthy," Neil says, but he doesn't sound mad or annoyed about it.

　

"So? Do something about it," Tommy challenges, feeling bold and suddenly Neil's on the bed, body covering his, pinning him down, mouth on his, kissing him breathless. People think Neil's the laid back brother, but he really fucking isn't when it comes to this. He's warm and passionate and Tommy had never thought Neil would be boring in bed, but he'd had no idea that Neil would be so good. He feels like he's falling apart just from some skin on skin contact and some kissing. He's hard and aching. Neil has him shaking, he's so overwhelmed, but he loves it. 

　

"God, I love the sounds you make," Neil says against his lips and Tommy rubs his body up against Neil's. He smirks when Neil groans at the feeling.

　

"You're evil," Neil groans.

　

"I think you like my kind of evil," Tommy says happily, and Neil kisses him again.

　

"Come on, thought you were gonna fuck me," Tommy complains. 

　

"Better get some lube then, I don't think you want me fucking you dry," Neil says, raising an eyebrow again and Tommy should not find that as cute as he does.

　

"Fuck no, your dick's huge," Tommy says, wriggling out from under Neil so that he can get a condom and some lube out of his bedside cabinet. Neil all but drags him back to where he was once he has, Neil's knees bracketing Tommy's thighs.

　

"You say the sweetest things," Neil smiles and Tommy rolls his eyes.

　

"Blow me," He means it as a joke and he knows that Neil knows that, but he moves down the bed in a quick move and then Neil's mouth is on his cock, hot and wet and it takes all of Tommy's will power not to buck up into Neil's mouth.

　

"Jesus Christ, Neil," Tommy moans, resting his hands on Neil's head, not pulling or pushing, just holding, letting Neil do his thing, because Neil sure as hell knows what he's doing and Tommy is moaning loudly. He couldn't keep quiet with Neil's mouth on him if he tried and he doesn't even want to try, because Neil only sucks harder when he moans. It seems Neil really likes him loud.

　

"If you keep doing that, I'm gonna come," Tommy gasps and Neil pulls off with a wicked grin.

　

"I thought that was the point?" Neil says, his thumb rubbing over Tommy's hipbone and it makes Tommy shiver.

　

"I want to come with you inside me," Tommy admits, and Neil's eyes go even darker. 

　

"I have no problem with that," Neil says and when he pushes Tommy's legs up, Tommy thinks Neil is going to suck his cock some more, but that's not where Neil's tongue ends up. When Neil's tongue runs over his asshole, Tommy's hips jerk, he can't help it. He can't remember the last time someone did this to him. Neil runs his tongue around Tommy's hole, licking and sucking, working his tongue inside and then he's pushing a finger in along side tongue, his way eased by spit. Then he grabs the lube, licking around his finger and adding a second before he opens the bottle of lube. He pulls out and lubes up his fingers before sliding two into Tommy, fingers rubbing over his prostate, making Tommy moan loudly.

　

"Come on, more, I can take more," Tommy groans. He doesn't need slow right now, he wants Neil inside of him, he wants Neil to fuck him, so when Neil slips three slick fingers inside of him, Tommy gasps, arching up off the bed.

　

"No more fucking fingers. I want you," Tommy complains, because this feels good, feels like he could come from just this, but he wants Neil inside of him.

　

"Bossy," Neil says softly, sucking a kiss into Tommy's inner thigh. 

　

"Tell me you don't want to?" Tommy asks, because it doesn't feel like Neil wants to wait.

　

"I don't think I could want anything more," Neil says, voice sounding a little rough and then he's climbing up Tommy's body, a condom in his hand and Tommy takes it out of Neil's hand and rolls it over Neil's cock. Neil slicks himself up with lube and then takes Tommy's mouth in a searing hot kiss. 

　

"Fuck you're beautiful," Neil whispers as he presses between Tommy's legs and Tommy wraps his legs around Neil's waist, wanting to feel Neil closer to him. He leans up to kiss Neil as he starts to press inside and it's almost uncomfortable when Neil first starts pushing into him, but then Neil shifts a little and the angle changes and Tommy moans at just how good it feels. He clutches at Neil's back, trying to pull him closer, wanting more even though it already feels so intense. 

　

Neil kisses him hard, licking into his mouth as he thrusts into Tommy, hard and fast, just a little rough, Tommy's cock rubbing against Neil's stomach. Tommy can't get enough of any of it, the kissing, the touching, the way Neil feels inside of him. His skin is slick with sweat, his whole body strung tight as Neil thrusts into him, hitting that spot inside him on almost every thrust. Tommy kisses back as hard as he can, his nails digging into Neil's shoulders as Neil drives him crazy.

　

When Neil wraps his hand around Tommy's cock it's over in minutes. Tommy couldn't hold on if he tried. Neil fucks into him and jerks him off, pleasure shooting up his spine and making it feel like his heart is about to beat out of his chest. He comes over Neil's hand and Neil works him through it, milking out the pleasure. Neil stops jerking him when it gets too much, his thrusts becoming a little uneven, rough, but they still feel good, making Tommy's nerves zing with pleasure even though he has already come. 

　

Neil kisses him hard, nipping at his lips and licking into his mouth and his hips jerk against Tommy's as he comes, his mouth leaving Tommy's and he bites down on Tommy's neck, panting Tommy's name as he comes. When Neil goes still, Tommy drags Neil's mouth back to his, kissing him softly, floating on nothing but pleasure, his body aching in all the best ways. He hisses a little when Neil pulls out, but it's not like really bad pain and he hopes the ache lasts. He wants to be able to feel what they did. Neil gets rid of the condom, he leaves the room and comes back with a wet cloth and cleans them both up. 

　

Once they're clean, Neil lays down on his side and pulls Tommy close, kissing him softly, running his hands up and down Tommy's back. Tommy can't remember the last time he felt so relaxed after sex, so happy to just lay with the other person, making out lazily. Neil runs his hand up into Tommy's hair, tugging lightly and nibbling at Tommy's lips.

　

"Stay?" Tommy asks softly.

　

"Yeah, I 'd like that," Neil says, sounding sleepy.

　

They kiss softly until they fall asleep and Tommy drifts to sleep all wrapped up in Neil, a smile on his face.

　

 

++++++++++++++++++++  
　

Tommy wakes up alone in an empty bed and from how cold it is, he can tell Neil has been gone for a long time. Neil's clothes aren't on the floor and when Tommy gets out of bed, he finds his apartment empty. Neil is gone, he's left him and Tommy doesn't know what to do or think. He goes back to bed and pulls on some pajama pants. He sits in bed for a while and then grabs his cell phone out of his jeans. He's dialing Adam's number without even really thinking about it.

　

"Tommy, what's wrong, it's way too early for you to be up," Adam says, sounding concerned.

　

"I slept with Neil last night and he's ditched me," Tommy says softly.

　

"What? What the hell?" Adam all but yells down the phone.

　

"I slept with Neil and he left," Tommy repeats.

　

"Okay, first I thought you said you and Neil were never going to happen?" Adam asks and Tommy doesn't blame him for being confused. Tommy has dropped a lot on him and he's sure that like him Adam hasn't even had coffee yet.

　

"That was before I spent the day with him, which I blame on you by the way," Tommy sighs. He doesn't really blame Adam. It's not Adam's fault that Tommy slept with Neil thinking it would mean more than it clearly means to Neil.

　

"So you slept together? And now he's gone?" Adam asks, sounding horrified. 

　

"Yeah, so I feel like shit right now and I don't know what to do. I don't know why he just used me. He's not even like that, so it must just be me that he doesn't want to have something with, I'm so fucking confused," Tommy rambles, feeling like shit. He doesn't know what to think. Neil isn't the use them and leave them type, but he'd said himself that he used to only sleep with men, maybe he still only wants sex when it comes to men.

　

"I'm going to kill him. How could he do that to you?" Adam asks and Tommy hears the front door open and scrambles out of bed and right away he sees Neil coming back through the door, coffee in one hand and a bag of food in the other.

　

"I was wrong," Tommy says into the phone.

　

"He didn't leave?" Adam asks.

　

"We'll talk about it later, I was so wrong, bye," Tommy hangs up and walks over to Neil.

　

"I thought you'd left," Tommy admits softly.

　

"I'd never do that. I mean, I didn't want last night to be a one off thing. I mean, if you did that's fine I guess, but I was kind of hoping for more. So I went and got breakfast. I thought we could talk after," Neil rambles out and Tommy all but runs forward, taking the coffee and food from Neil and putting them to one side so that he could wrap his arms around Neil and kiss him.

　

"I want more as well, more than one night," Tommy pants against Neil's neck and Neil just holds him tighter. 

　

"We can make this work. I know we can," Neil says and then they are kissing, warm and wet and Tommy drags Neil back to the bedroom. For once the coffee can wait.

　

The End.


End file.
